Elite universities love to lecture the rest of America about fairness, equity, and moral responsibility. But behind the ivy-covered walls, a different lesson is being taught—one far more practical:

If there’s a system, exploit it.

At Stanford, nearly 40% of undergraduates are now registered as “disabled.” Let that sink in. At Harvard and Brown, it’s over 20%. Meanwhile, community colleges—where students face far more real hardship—hover around 3–4%.

Are elite students suddenly sicker, weaker, or more fragile than everyone else?

Of course not.

They’re just better at gaming the rules.

At Stanford, claiming a disability can get you a luxury single room, extra time on tests, excused absences, private testing rooms, and even exemptions from class participation. Translation: better housing, better grades, less stress. All for the price of a quick Zoom call and a loosely defined diagnosis.

Anxiety. ADHD. “I can’t live with others.” Gluten intolerance. Night terrors. Wearing contacts. Yes—wearing contacts has reportedly landed students private dorm rooms.

No one is embarrassed. No one whispers. Students openly trade tips on how to work the system. The unspoken rule is simple: if you’re not getting accommodations, you’re doing college wrong.

And here’s the real hypocrisy: these are the same institutions that claim to reward merit. The same elites who will later lecture workers, small business owners, and regular Americans about “fairness” and “playing by the rules.”

Meanwhile, honest students get punished. The curve gets distorted. Housing gets tighter. Academic competition becomes less about ability and more about who is willing to claim the right label.

Even meal plans aren’t safe. Some students reportedly fake religious dietary restrictions—claiming faiths they don’t practice—to dodge mandatory meal plans and eat at Whole Foods instead.

Administrators shrug. They can’t challenge anxiety claims. They can’t question religion. They can’t demand proof without risking lawsuits. So the system bloats, trust erodes, and the incentives stay broken.

This isn’t cheating in the traditional sense. It’s worse.

It’s elite rationality.

When institutions reward exploitation, exploitation becomes the smart choice. And when tomorrow’s leaders learn early that rules are for suckers and loopholes are for winners, don’t act surprised when that mindset follows them into politics, business, and culture.

Stanford didn’t just educate these students.

It trained them.

(Thanks to the The Times* article “Nearly 40% of Stanford undergraduates claim they’re disabled. I’m one of them” by Elsa Johnson for bringing this trend to light.)*